Lust versus Libido

 On the Jeremy Vine programme today there was discussion about couples who don't have sex. I recorded it in case there was anything of interest. There wasn't, I deleted the recording. 

But at the end, to wind up the discussion, there was talk about unequal libido between the partners. I am adamant this is the wrong word, not just because it's a medical term but it assumes the libido is intrinsic to the person at a given time, whereas this is but one factor in the question can you get around to wanting to do it.

Far more important, in fact I would suggest the entire shebang, is lust. Do I get to feel it with this person, or in this situation (e.g. fantasizing, or assisted fantasizing by watching porn)?

I decided to look up on Google. Invariably, but especially on Christian sites, lust is condemned as some kind of vulpine urge for personal satisfaction. Setting those aside, here's a clip from Psychology Today: 

"Non-lustful sexual desire includes a desire for one's own pleasure, but also a desire for the pleasure of the other. It also includes a desire for him or her as a person and not a mere body to be used for one's own purposes. Sex is not merely recreation, it is also a means of the unification of two people, in both body and spirit. In this way, sex can express and foster a meaningful unity and harmony between human beings. The desire for this type of human relationship is good and preferable to the self-centeredness of and ultimate dissatisfaction produced by mere lust."

I disagree strongly. At my age, it is lust that gets me hard enough to do the deed. I tell her so. When I'm ready, or often before, I lick and suck her sex parts and check she's juicy with finger and occasionally ask if she's ready. If not, my cock won't rise to the occasion. Then she may take it in her mouth and do whatever she wants. I used to try and tell her how to do this, but have long since ceased. It's not about formula but tender love.

And when I say love, I'm mindful of Khalil Gibran "On Marriage"

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?

      And he answered saying:
      You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
      You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
      Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
      But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
      And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

     Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
      Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
      Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
      Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
      Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone,
      Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

     Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
      And stand together yet not too near together:
      For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Here he mentions love only once.

He says other things about love too, but I ignore that stuff:

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

     And he raised his head and looked upon

the people, and there fell a stillness upon

them. And with a great voice he said:

     When love beckons to you, follow him,

     Though his ways are hard and steep.

     And when his wings enfold you yield to

him,

     Though the sword hidden among his

pinions may wound you.

     And when he speaks to you believe in

him,

     Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

 

     For even as love crowns you so shall he

crucify you. Even as he is for your growth

so is he for your pruning.

     Even as he ascends to your height and

caresses your tenderest branches that quiver

in the sun,

     So shall he descend to your roots and

shake them in their clinging to the earth.

                                       •

     Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto

himself.

     He threshes you to make you naked.

     He sifts you to free you from your husks.

     He grinds you to whiteness.

     He kneads you until you are pliant;

     And then he assigns you to his sacred

fire, that you may become sacred bread for

God’s sacred feast.

 

     All these things shall love do unto you

that you may know the secrets of your

heart, and in that knowledge become a

fragment of Life’s heart.

 

     But if in your fear you would seek only

love’s peace and love’s pleasure,

     Then it is better for you that you cover

your nakedness and pass out of love’s

threshing-floor,

     Into the seasonless world where you

shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,

and weep, but not all of your tears.

                                      •

     Love gives naught but itself and takes

naught but from itself.

     Love possesses not nor would it be

possessed;

     For love is sufficient unto love.

 

     When you love you should not say,

“God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am

in the heart of God.”

     And think not you can direct the course

of love, for love, if it finds you worthy,

directs your course.

 

     Love has no other desire but to fulfil

itself.

     But if you love and must needs have

desires, let these be your desires:

     To melt and be like a running brook

that sings its melody to the night.

     To know the pain of too much tenderness.

     To be wounded by your own under-

standing of love;

     And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

     To wake at dawn with a winged heart

and give thanks for another day of loving;

     To rest at the noon hour and meditate

love’s ecstasy;

     To return home at eventide with grati-

tude;

     And then to sleep with a prayer for the

beloved in your heart and a song of praise

upon your lips.