Lust for life: why sex is better in your 80s (Hooray!)

edited from  an article in the Guardian on Feb 14th

Sexually active older people are considered a curiosity, but a new survey suggests that lovemaking is often more fulfilling for ‘sexual survivors’ than those in middle age

by Emine Saner

@eminesaner

Last modified on Tue 13 Mar 2018 18.24 GMT

Dr David Lee, a research fellow at Manchester University’s School of Social Sciences, calls them “sexual survivors” – people over the age of 80 who still enjoy an active sex life. In a report written with Professor Josie Tetley, using data from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing, he notes that while physical challenges (erectile difficulties, for instance) occurred more frequently with age, the emotional side of sex appeared more fulfilling for people over 80. Men and women in this age bracket reported more shared sexual compatibility and emotional closeness than those in their 50s, 60s and 70s – which sounds like good news for anyone going through a drought in middle age.

Sex isn’t defined by penetration, says Lee – some older people find more imaginative ways to keep their sex lives active. “We saw quite a lot of adaptation in the older people, saying they no longer had penetrative sexual intercourse and were more content with kissing and cuddling and general intimacy. We kept a very broad definition of sex. We saw what appeared to be adaptive behaviour in the older members of our sample.”

Don’t bank on hitting your sexual peak so late, though. The problem is, having a sex life at all in your 80s is far from guaranteed. Only about one in 10 women aged 85 or older, and nearly one-quarter of men of that age, enjoy one. “They’re a minority, clearly, but they’re an interesting minority,” says Lee. “Among those who were [sexually active], it was quite interesting that they seemed happy with their sexual lives.”

Lee is studying what it takes to become a sexual survivor. There is likely to be a range of factors, he says. Having a partner is important, of course, and many people in their 80s have been widowed. “I would envisage that these [sexual survivors] are the healthiest people in older age,” he adds. Medication, for instance, can interfere with sex drive and ability.

Lee says we need to get used to the idea that some older people may want a fulfilling sex life – and take seriously the means to allow them to achieve this. “We’re simply trying to broaden the discussion around sex and saying, irrespective of age, there is a need for joined-up healthcare services that people can access if they wish. We’re seeing from the comments in our survey [that] when older people try to access healthcare [for] sexual problems they have come across dismissal: ‘You should expect it at your age.’” But Lee has also seen how it becomes internalised in older people: “They think: ‘It’s not relevant to me any more.’” Better, instead, to know you could enjoy a later-life sexual peak.

Susannah Martin's Art + more pics

Susannah Martin, who paints large canvases based firmly in the tradition of figurative realism but with her own very distinctive approach, can be distinguished by the three elements that feature in her paintings – her lifelike people are always naked, the natural world is ever-present, and in many of her recent paintings she includes playful props such as helium balloons and three-dimensional cartoon characters.

 

 

 

 

Susannah Martin, who paints large canvases based firmly in the tradition of figurative realism but with her own very distinctive approach, can be distinguished by the three elements that feature in her paintings – her lifelike people are always naked, the natural world is ever-present, and in many of her recent paintings she includes playful props such as helium balloons and three-dimensional cartoon characters.

Born in New York City, Martin grew up in rural New Jersey. Her early experiences with nature as a child were very intense and personal, her happiest moments spent playing alone in a park, on the beach or at the riverbank. Her family was quite poor, her father having died when she was young and her mother looking after a family of five, so she worked part-time throughout high school and college, often assisting artists and architects, restoring paintings, and helping with printing workshops. Always fascinated by art, she studied at New York University under John Kacere, Sherrie Levine, Louise Lawler and Peter Campus. During her last year of study she began to work for Sandro La Ferla Backdrops, and after graduating she painted murals and worked as a scenic artist for film and photography.

As Martin explains, ‘Sandro is an exceptional painter and enjoyed painting the backdrops himself, so he started a business painting and renting them out at a daily rate to photographers and film companies, primarily for advertising. There was a stock of over four hundred backdrops, huge canvases, and he had a fine business going for many years until Photoshop came along. I learned about set-painting techniques by watching him. In 1990 I went independent, painting backdrops and murals in New York and Germany. I kept doing it for so long, more than twenty years, because the money is good and reliable, but also because I loved it. I’m still completely fascinated by large-scale painting, but it’s rare that a mural client gives you complete freedom, and the set painting is often only used for a short time and then thrown away.’

In 1991 she decided to relocate to Europe, and set up home and studio in Berlin. She now lives and works in Frankfurt, making a living as a full-time painter.

For Martin, painting naked people in natural settings has a strong personal and political element: ‘The human body as subject matter is always political; there is no way around that. The naked body is probably the most confrontational subject that an artist can take on. We all have intense feelings when looking at naked fellow human beings, and how we react to an image of the human body connects with our most intimate personal fears and desires, as well as social conditioning and expectations. I have been censored, blocked, banned and harassed many times on social media for painting naked people. It is absurd really, how could looking at another human being and painting a painting of them be seen as criminal or offensive? Everything that I do with paint is done out of love for humanity and the natural world. It is heartbreaking that some people prefer to see people being hurt and abused rather than being naturally naked; I think that’s because there are people who are afraid to show their love of humanity, afraid that it makes them look weak.’

The realistic settings, always outdoors in nature and often incorporating wild animals, are also vitally important. ‘We have an outrageously arrogant position toward nature,’ she explains, ‘believing that our vanity alone justifies the extermination of thousands of species of plants and animals. We’re prepared to destroy everything in our path to maintain our lofty position and satisfy our vanity and greed. One of my main intentions with my paintings is to break through the artifice of the traditional form of naked figures in a landscape. I want them to feel more like records of real interactions with nature than fantasies of that experience. It’s true that I haven’t yet included enough bug bites and blood, though you’ll notice that the woman in the gorge painting is a bit scratched up on her belly from rock climbing!’

Sexual Love is always a transaction

"I can fuck someone and not be dating them; I can be dating someone, but that doesn't mean they're my partner. Part of how I set the tone in my relationships is that I don't pretend we're something that we're not. I'm always clear on "what we are" so that I can act accordingly. I don't go out in public or share too many personal details with people I'm just fucking. I don't cook and clean or have sleepovers for more than a few days with folks unless I'm their girlfriend. I don't play house, let my time be dictated, or feel the need to stop dating other people (if they prefer monogamy) with folks who are not my partner. If I think I want to move from one stage to another with someone, I'm up front about it. If we're on the same page, we talk about expectations and what a reconfiguration might look like. If not, I fall back. I love those lines drawn in the sand. What matters most is that I'm clear on what these labels mean to me and how each of them could possibly serve me. For example, even though I know I'm not necessarily the marrying kind, I definitely believe in sacred bonds between lovers who've chosen to build a life together. I think there is value in commitment, even if I've never felt strongly about the institution of marriage. However, I don't put every person I date on a track to be my life partner, because everything isn't for everyone."

to be continued

Wild humanoid becomes Man through Holy sex

Here's the tale: an extract from the Epic of Gilgamesh:

Anu heard them, he nodded his head, 

then to the goddess, mother of creation, 

he called out: "Aruru, you are the one 

who created humans. Now go and create 

a double for Gilgamesh, his second self, 

a man who equals his strength and courage,

a man who equals his stormy heart. 

Create a new hero, let them balance each other 

perfectly, so that Uruk has peace." 

When Aruru heard this, she closed her eyes, 

and what Anu had commanded she formed in her mind. 

She moistened her hands, she pinched off some clay, 

she threw it into the wilderness, 

kneaded it, shaped it to her idea, 

and fashioned a man, a warrior, a hero: 

Enkidu the brave, as powerful and fierce 

as the war god Ninurta. Hair covered his body, 

hair grew thick on his head and hung 

down to his waist, like a woman's hair. 

He roamed all over the wilderness, 

naked, far from the cities of men, 

ate grass with gazelles, and when he was thirsty 

he drank clear water from the waterholes, 

kneeling beside the antelope and deer.

 
One day, a human — a trapper — saw him

drinking with the animals at a waterhole. 

The trapper's heart pounded, his face went white, 

his legs shook, he was numb with terror. 

The same thing happened a second, a third day. 

Fear gripped his belly, he looked drained and haggard 

like someone who has been on a long, hard journey

He went to his father. "Father, I have seen 

a savage man at the waterhole. 

He must be the strongest man in the world, 

with muscles like rock. I have seen him outrun

the swiftest animals. He lives among them, 

eats grass with gazelles, and when he is thirsty 

he drinks clear water from the waterholes.

I haven't approached him — I am too afraid. 

He fills in the pits I have dug, he tears out 

the traps I have set, he frees the animals, 

and I can catch nothing. My livelihood is gone."

 
"Son, in Uruk there lives a man named Gilgamesh. 

He is king of that city 

and the strongest man in the world, they say, 

with muscles like rock. Go now to Uruk, 

go to Gilgamesh, tell him what happened, 

then follow his advice. He will know what to do."

 
He made the journey, he stood before 

Gilgamesh in the centre of Uruk, he told him about the savage man. 

The king said, "Go to the temple of Ishtar,

ask them there for a woman named Shamhat, 

one of the priestesses who give their bodies 

to any man, in honour of the goddess. 

Take her into the wilderness. 

When the animals are drinking at the waterhole, 

tell her to strip off her robe and lie there 

naked, ready, with her legs apart. 

The wild man will approach. 

Let her use her love-arts. 

Nature will take its course, and then the animals who knew him in the 

wilderness will be bewildered, and will leave him forever."

She stripped off her robe and lay there naked,

with her legs apart, touching herself.

Enkidu saw her and warily approached.

He sniffed the air. He gazed at her body.

He drew close. Shamhat touched him on the thigh,

touched his penis, and put him inside her. 

She used her love-arts, she took his breath with her kisses, 

held nothing back, and showed him what a woman is. 

For seven days he stayed erect 

and made love with her, until he had had enough. 

At last he stood up and walked towards the waterhole to rejoin his animals. 

But the gazelles saw him and scattered,

the antelope and deer bounded away. 

He tried to catch up, but his body was exhausted, his life-force was spent, 

his knees trembled, he could no longer run like an animal, as he had before. 

He turned back to Shamhat, and as he walked 

he knew that his mind had somehow grown larger, 

he knew things now that an animal can't know. 

Enkidu sat down at Shamhat's feet. 

he looked at her, and he understood 

all the words she was speaking to him. 

"Now, Enkidu, you know what it is

 to be with a woman, to unite with her. 

You are beautiful, you are like a god. 

Why should you roam the wilderness and live like an animal? 

Let me take you to great-walled Uruk,

to the temple of Ishtar, 

to the palace of Gilgamesh the mighty king, 

who in his arrogance oppresses the people, 

trampling upon them like a wild bull."
 

She finished, and Enkidu nodded his head. 

Deep in his heart he felt something stir, 

a longing he had never known before, 

the longing for a true friend. 

Enkidu said, "I will go, Shamhat. 

Take me with you to great-walled Uruk, to the temple of Ishtar, 

to the palace of Gilgamesh the mighty king. 

I will challenge him. I will shout to his face:
 

I am the mightiest! I am the man 

who can make the world tremble! I am supreme!'  

"Come," said Shamhat, "let us go to Uruk, 

I will lead you to Gilgamesh the mighty king. 

You will see the great city with its massive wall, 

you will see the young men dressed in their splendour, 

in the finest linen and embroidered wool, 

brilliantly coloured, with fringed shawls and wide belts. 

Every day is a festival in Uruk, 

with people singing and dancing in the streets, 

musicians playing their lyres and drums, 

the lovely priestesses standing before 

the temple of Ishtar, chatting and laughing, 

flushed with sexual joy, and ready 

to serve men's pleasure, in honour of the goddess, 

so that even old men are aroused from their beds. 

You who are still so ignorant of life, 

I will show you Gilgamesh the mighty king.