Quote from Bad Fat Black Girl, by Sesali Bowen

Words and labels mean things, so I use them wisely.

Maybe it's because I'm a Capricorn and I love having clarity and understanding, but I am not one of those people who think that labels complicate things. I think that labels help set boundaries and can offer a guiding light for where a situation is headed. Whenever I hear people, especially Black women, express their apprehension about labels in their love lives, I always assume: she is dealing with someone who already isn't meeting her expectations; she doesn't trust the person; or she's also dealing with other people she's not ready to cut off. In my experience, labels don't complicate things, people do. But labels do change things because of what they mean. I can fuck someone and not be dating them; I can be dating someone, but that doesn't mean they're my partner. Part of how I set the tone in my relationships is that I don't pretend we're something that we're not. I'm always clear on "what we are" so that I can act accordingly. I don't go out in public or share too many personal details with people I'm just fucking. I don't cook and clean or have sleepovers for more than a few days with folks unless I'm their girlfriend. I don't play house, let my time be dictated, or feel the need to stop dating other people (if they prefer monogamy) with folks who are not my partner. If I think I want to move from one stage to another with someone, I'm up front about it. If we're on the same page, we talk about expectations and what a reconfiguration might look like. If not, I fall back. I love those lines drawn in the sand. What matters most is that I'm clear on what these labels mean to me and how each of them could possibly serve me. For example, even though I know I'm not necessarily the marrying kind, I definitely believe in sacred bonds between lovers who've chosen to build a life together. I think there is value in commitment, even if I've never felt strongly about the institution of marriage. However, I don't put every person I date on a track to be my life partner, because everything isn't for everyone.